When I was a little boy, my Mom gave me everything I could imagine to compensate for my parents' divorce.
It was just the two of us and she literally pulled out every stop, gave me every toy, and attended every sporting event/science fair/e-team practice I ever engaged in. I couldn't have asked for a better Mom and not one time in my 33 years of life has I ever questioned how much she cares about me.
Sometimes though, even the best of intentions can cause us to lose focus on the world around us. I remember moving to New York when I was 22, when my Mom would call me every day and burst in to tears every time her taxi for the airport left Grand Central Station at the end of our visits.
I worried so much about her that first year because living close to me and being the best Mom I can imagine was all she knew for so long that it caused other areas of her life-- dating, friendships, etc-- to fall away. Over time though, I watched with every visit as my Mom had a little more fun, talked a bit more about her friends and exciting things going on in her life. After a couple years, I even found my old room converted in to a study!
Who was this person? I asked myself as I watched her live her life. But the truth is that when deprived of my constant presence (even though I am pretty badass) she re-discovered pieces of herself that her single minded focus took away.
I cannot express how proud I am to watch my Mom continue to grow and in a strange way, this is the same hope I have for all the clients I work with. Many of whom come to train because they feel bad about themselves and are so fixated on making this feeling go away that they cannot see beyond their goal of losing bodyfat/toning up/getting chizzzeled (deliberate).
I know this feeling all too well (it was called my 20s) but the truth is that this is a fear based reaction. And although fear can keep us from getting eaten by lions and even encourage quick changes to our bodies, do we really want to live our lives in fear of eating/enjoying starchy carbs? Because this is no life at all.
What I want for all of you is to enjoy life, to have fun and to stop worrying so much about your abs or what is on your plate. I have learned the hard way that fixation upon any one thing can cause it to (1) suck and (2) eventually break down because it is not sustainable.
I think the key to long term success with fitness, or really any area of life, is to make it part of your identity without making it who you are. Here are a few ideas along those lines:
1. Instead of ONLY eating protein and veggies, I will allow myself to enjoy starchy carbs on workout days
2. Instead of working out for 60 minutes or more four days per week, I will try to do SOMETHING every day to get my heart rate up and challenge my body
3. Instead of worrying about what other people think, I will be damn proud of the fact that I am owning and improving my health on a daily basis
These are just a few examples of what I want for all of you because it comes from a place of enjoyment that isn't dictated by absolutes. If you up one day, tomorrow is another day and that is a powerful statement in the quest for long term success.
This isn't about anyone but you, and the way you view yourself, and if you take small, consistent steps which can actually be sustained in the right direction for you.....then that is beautiful, just like you. Not five years from now or even next month, but right now and for as long as you make the decision.
So stop beating yourself up and enjoy the process. We are in this thing together.
Your Friend,
Chris
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